Cheating is a Feature of Monogamy
Monogamy: the ultimate commitment—or just a recipe for forbidden temptation? Let’s talk about why the ‘exclusive’ label might be setting your relationship up for some unexpected side effects.
Monogamy—the golden standard of commitment, where love, loyalty, and stability are said to flourish. If Monogamy were a product, its ads would proudly boast:
Unlimited Warm Fuzzies: Comes pre-packaged with affection, butterflies, and all the good morning texts you could ask for.
Long-Term Stability: Promising to keep the spark alive through life’s ups, downs, and Netflix marathons.
Soulmate Guarantee: Find “The One,” your perfectly imperfect partner for life.
Social Seal of Approval: Earn your shiny societal gold star just by signing up for monogamy.
Cheating: That’s right! It may be in the small print, but available never the less. You also get access to the official side quest of the Monogamy game—infidelity. Because let’s face it, you can't really cheat if you aren’t locked into a relationship, can you?
Here’s the thing: cheating isn’t a glitch in monogamy—it’s practically a feature. It’s baked into the very framework of the system. After all, if you never agreed to exclusivity, where’s the betrayal? Monogamy sets the rules, but the allure of breaking them is part of the package.
The Problem with Exclusivity
The real problem isn’t love, or even commitment—it’s the need to promise sexual exclusivity. This promise is treated as a cornerstone of monogamy, but it’s also the very thing that breeds temptation. Think about it: if you were free to have sex with whomever you wanted, could you not still remain in a committed, meaningful relationship with someone? Exclusivity isn’t the glue that holds relationships together; in fact, it often creates the very temptations that lead to infidelity.
What if we lifted that burden? Suddenly, the forbidden wouldn’t be so alluring. The paradox of the “Prohibited Unknown”—the idea that what you can’t have is somehow more desirable—would disappear. You’d be left with only conscious choice.
Life is not an R rated clip—where as soon as you are open to freedom of possibilities, the milk man will show up without a shirt. Life continues as it always does. As human beings, wired for convenience and pleasure, we tend to take the linear ( fastest most accesible ) solution to our needs. Our lifestyle choices might actually look a lot like this:
Feeling That special tingly sensation 😉
Why go out and seek sex elsewhere when my partner is right here, willing and ready?
Is my partner not available right now? Do I want this bad enough to seek elsewhere ( Self satisfaction is always at hand )?
I really want this—and it’s okay to have it.
The key is in choice, not compulsion. When there’s no invisible boundary pushing you toward the temptation of the unknown, your choices become much more grounded in reality. Suddenly, the allure of cheating fades because there’s no rule telling you that you can’t. What you’re left with is your honest, unfiltered desire—whether it’s to stay, to explore, or to be satisfied with what’s right in front of you.
To (Ch)eat or not to Eat
Remember when candy was the forbidden fruit as kids? Our parents would say “no,” which only made it more irresistible. When we would manage to get our hands on it, we just couldn’t get enough. Fast forward to adulthood—candy is just another option on the shelf. For some, it’s still a guilty pleasure, but for most, it’s something we only occasionally indulge in, if at all. The thrill fades when it’s no longer forbidden, and so does the compulsion to binge.
It’s not that we won’t choose to enjoy a night out—it’s that the choice would now be an honest one, driven by desire rather than mounting pressure.
Monogamy: The Ultimate Sales Pitch?
Despite its flaws, monogamy continues to be sold as the ultimate life goal. Why? Because society has convinced us that “The One” is the answer to everything. But the reality is more complicated. You can love someone deeply, but still feel attraction, curiosity, or desire for someone else. Monogamy doesn’t account for the complexity of human desires, which is why cheating feels like a natural (albeit forbidden) response to an unnatural expectation.
Cheating isn’t about love—it’s normally just about sex with other people. And when monogamy demands exclusivity, it creates the very conditions that make infidelity so common. If we could strip away the burden of sexual exclusivity, we’d be left with a much clearer understanding of what we truly want. The forbidden would no longer be tantalizing; it would simply be another option on the table.
The Bottom Line
Monogamy isn’t broken, but it is flawed. I am able to see individuals wanting to be exclusive to each other, as an ongoing daily choice; And where there is want, who needs obligation. The real issue isn’t commitment or love—it’s the unnecessary rule of exclusivity. By promising sexual exclusivity, monogamy creates temptation; Lift that burden, you’re left with choice—and maybe, just maybe, that’s the real key to lasting commitment.
Sincerely,
Adam
