Mistress Needed: Why He’ll Always Keep One on the Side
Wife, mistress, or both? Why some men always keep a spot open in their emotional roster.
“He’s never gonna leave her,” says Carrie Fisher’s character, Marie, to Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally.
Interesting enough (and this might surprise to Marie and everyone watching the film), here’s what’s happening right under our noses: he’s also never gonna leave you either—well, unless, of course, a better prospect comes along. But more on that in a minute.
People that look for mistresses or lovers have permanent roles they are looking to fill in their lives:
Official Partner (Wife/Husband)
Unofficial Partner (Mistress/Lover)
When we seek out lovers or mistresses we aren’t just filling an emotional void. We are covering roles in our lives that, let’s face it, seem to come with permanent job openings. There’s the official partner (you know, the one with a mortgage and joint Netflix account) and the unofficial partner (the one who gets the spontaneous weekend getaway to a boutique hotel). These positions aren’t temporary—they’re part of a system. And this system is something people keep running, year after year.
Marie, sweet Marie, thought she’d be in the clear if she took over as the official partner. No more competition, right? Well, not quite. The minute you step into the “wife” role, you’re just filling one job slot and leaving the “mistress” role vacant for someone else. Someone younger or shinier ? you ask—nope… just different. The truth is, the mistress isn’t a replacement for the wife. The wife and the mistress are different lanes in the same game.
“On the side seems to be a very big thing for alot of us 😉.” Harry was talking about ordering food, of course, but let’s be real, we are not talking about variety in your order; it's about variety in your intimate life.
Some people need more than one partner the same way they need options on a menu. It’s not a failure of the main relationship—it’s an acknowledgment that one person might not meet all their emotional or physical needs. Just like ordering a sandwich but asking for the dressing on the side, some people crave stability with a side of adventure. It’s baked into their nature.
So next time someone tells you ‘he’s never gonna leave her,’ just remember—he’s not leaving you, either. Not because you're irreplaceable, but because in his buffet of life, you’re just one dish among many. And hey, for some people, that’s just their idea of a balanced diet.
Sincerely,
Adam
