What (Wo)men want
Is there a secret to what women really want, or is the world chasing a moving target? Let’s dig in.
We've all heard the question: "What do women really want?" It's puzzled partners, sparked debates, and inspired countless movies. It’s the ultimate riddle—or so we’re led to believe. But here’s a challenge: I’ll trade you the answer to that if you can solve a ( seemingly ) simpler one—What do men want?
Now, before you shrug this off as easy, give it some thought. Ask enough men, and you'll get an array of answers, hinting at an underlying truth: men’s desires are rarely explored because society doesn’t bother to ask. Doesn’t make it any clearer though. Meanwhile, the question ( and so called answers ) about women’s desires are everywhere, and would make it seem like the ultimate enigma.
But why is this question everywhere? Marketers might say it’s because women are loyal consumers and brand ambassadors, so understanding their psyche makes perfect sense. Ask anyone in the dating scene, though, and it’s because men are often chasing women’s attention (you are fantastic, ladies!), trying to score those elusive "points."
Gifts, Rights, and Unspoken Wants
Women, whether vocal or reserved about their desires, are often caught in a social dynamic where their needs are catered to in hopes of securing their favor. Men, on the other hand, openly express their desires—sometimes a bit too loudly—because they’ve been taught to view their actions as investments, expecting returns in money, power, attention, or affection.
Women, however, are culturally conditioned to believe that their desires should be met as gifts, even though they might be merited. Sometimes, gifts seem to hold more value than anything earned—ever heard of someone sending themselves flowers just to spark a reaction?
Asking outright is seen as immodest, leaving guesswork in its place. And so, we ask: What do women want? Spoiler: I’ll tell you what it is, but here's the catch—you can’t satisfy it. (No one can.)
So, What Do We Really Want?
First and foremost—yes, you heard that right: We. The answer is universal—men, women, children—it applies to us all.
We want what we don’t have. Or at least, what we think we don’t have; it’s all about perception. Your parents may love you, but if you don’t feel it, you’ll still crave that love.
Give her a car; she wants a plane. Give him a plane; he wants two. Throw it away, and we want it back. Get it back, and suddenly, who needs it?
The answer isn’t tied to a specific thing; it's about desire itself. You can’t crave what you already believe you possess. It’s the anticipation, the thrill of the unknown, that fuels desire. The moment you attain it, the longing shifts elsewhere.
The Carrot at the End of the String
Let’s break it down with some relatable scenarios:
Career vs. Home: The career-focused woman sometimes fantasizes about the slow mornings of a stay-at-home mom. Meanwhile, the stay-at-home mom longs for the independence and excitement of a career.
Opposite Partner Types: Men in calm, stable relationships often find themselves drawn to the adventurous, unpredictable type. Meanwhile, those with strong, outspoken partners dream of the simplicity and quiet of a more easygoing companion.
Single vs. Taken: The singles imagine the warmth of a committed relationship, while those in relationships look back wistfully at the freedom of single-hood.
Urban vs. Rural: City dwellers crave the tranquility of rural life, while country folk romanticize the energy and opportunity of the city.
More: Yes, sweet and simple. You could have exactly what you thought you wanted, but why settle for one when you can have two... or three? (Most men know exactly what I’m talking about. 😉)
The Never-Ending Cycle of Wanting
The problem isn’t about being ungrateful or unsatisfied; it’s about the nature of desire. When we get what we think we want, the thrill fades, and our gaze shifts to the next unknown. It’s a cycle: wanting, attaining, losing interest, and then wanting again.
The want and the have are basically opposites. Let us return to our original question as an exercise ( Don’t forget this will apply to men too, even if we might act as if it doesn’t ).
It’s frustrating to men because they trick themselves into thinking that meeting a particular need will end the cycle of wanting. With this one wish magically at hand, they have now unlocked the ability to make women happy and attached to keep said necessity met. But women, like all people, are complex beings—and wanting is not conditioned to any one thing, but to all that we lack and desire, effectively a moving target dictated by what seems most relevant at the time.
The Bottom Line
So, what do really we want? The answer is simple but profound: we want what we don’t have. It’s this endless chase that keeps us churning. The want lives in the future, our reality lives in the now, and so should our happiness. If we recognize this, we might stop chasing for the sake of chasing and start making choices based on what truly fulfills us. And maybe, just maybe, that's the real key to understanding not just what women want—but what all of us desire.
Sincerely,
Adam
